I can be pretty tough on myself. And I think that even other women feel that they can be pretty tough on themselves. We nurture others, but we neglect our own needs and desires. We really pour into others, but never quite pursue fully the dreams and talents and...and we offer forgiveness to others, but hold tightly to self-condemnation.
I can really feel like that, right now, right here. I am tough on myself and really push it sometimes too hard. Others tell me to take it easy, rest and just let someone take care of things needed to take care off. You (me, myself and I) do not have to do all things. Since my mother ended up at the hospital I have been trying to study, help dad, help mother-in-law, cook, clean, study some more, shop for groceries and help some more again. I feel that my shoulders are becoming my new ear-rings and it would be so nice with a massage on the neck, shoulders and upper back.
Mum is at a retirement home, for two weeks, during they plan what will happen to her. Dad is nervous, because he sees that he can not take care of her as he has done before. I will travel back home for some days soon, to help, talk and be with them when they plan. I do not like it, non of us likes it – but we think it is time to place her at retirement home, for good. It hurts and feels wrong, but there is a purpose for these homes, is it not so? Mum does not recognize dad when he visit her daily.
It is tough to accept this situation and even to understand how we ended up here. How can it be that my mother – the bright and full with life – suddenly are not far away from the opposite? Dad asked me that yesterday. He could not understand how it became like this. And neither do I.
I just hope that mum is doing well, in her own new world. And I hope that she can express herself if she needs something. I am afraid of meeting her. What will I meet? Does she know me? Will she look small and ”away”?
Have a blessed weekend.
Hugs, Niina
2 comments:
So sorry about your mum and feeling with your dad, but sometimes there is no other choice. I think it is most important that the retirement home is close to you or someone else from the family, so that you or they can check at any time whether your mother is doing fine and the nurses are treating her well!
Barbara, thanks for your comment and we feel that we have reached the point now when there is no other choice. I have felt it for a while, but wanted to hear it from my dad because it is him who takes care of her. The place she is at the moment is about one hour away. We know that there is some much nearer, but the waiting time can be long. Dad is pleased with the place she is at now and wishes for her to be able to stay there. The nurses are lovely and there are even three that speak Finnish, so they can speak with her. She has forgotten Swedish and even her English. We will see what happens now. We hope for the best.
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